this entry goes out especially to Munirah.
i feel so terasa and feel that i have acted so irresponsibly.
when i got shirley's message about physics test being postponed, i was on the way for night study. i had intended to forward it but i thought i was late so i saved it for later, which i know i shouldnt have.
after the night study, i only touched my phone to set my alarm to wake up the next morning.
how could i have been so forgetful?

i am SO SORRY.
and i mean it.

i dont think you're the last to know, really.
and if you think you feel unloved, you are wrong.
you are so well-liked by everyone around you!
in fact, i have always admired your strength and courage.
i always thought you make an effort in everything you do and just to move on to the next level even though you may have difficulties at times.
you are always the one who says "it's ok..." and "never mind..."
that goes to show how patient you are...
like what the saying goes, patience is a virtue(smth like that) right?
you are brave because you're always the outspoken one.
i'm not saying all these just to pujuk you or anything, but it's from the heart...
i know what you seem to be on the outside may be nothing like the inside.
i think what matters is the brave front that you often show to others.
i'm sure everyone else loves you as well.
it's just that sometimes, it's hard to tell..

i love to see smiles on everyone's faces.
even if you get sick of faking a smile, just smile because at least you're operating your face muscles.
i mean, that's what i do too, sometimes, to some people...
hehe.

so, Munirah, you are loved, and dont be saaad...
SMILE.!
same goes to all my friends!
there is no point in frowning, it wont solve any problems.
wah, madhiah so wise ahhh... ugh. hahah.

LOTS OF LOVE,
madhiah.

Blogged @ 10:36:00 PM




i hate feeling guilty.
i feel so bad.
i think my class hasnt been fair to some of the teachers.
first of all, it's mr tang.
i think he is a very good PHYSICS teacher.
if it wasnt for him, i would have given up on physics.
the study guide he made for us made me very happy because at least he's doing what he could so that we can revise the past chapters.
in fact i couldnt wait until he starts giving us the previous topics' worksheets.
yeah you can call me a nerd alright...
i could see how pissed he was at us just now and i feel extremely bad LA.
the sudden thought of me sleeping during his lessons made me realise just WHAT kind of pupil am i?
I am taking my O levels, NOT the teachers.

secondly, it's ms tan.
she was sacrifcing her own time to teach us after school yet we didnt pay much attention.
instead, we were talking among ourselves.
including me..
and i feel SO... bad.
what was i thinking?
i mean, she's like the BEST math teacher to me..
why didnt i pay attention?
so what i know how to do all the questions from the worksheet?
why was i being so complacent?
what came up to me?

now that makes TWO of the good teachers having a reaaaaalllly bad impression on us.
what if they decided not to bother about us anymore?!
what if they decided that we dont deserve the knowledge we NEED?

mr ramesh has been absent for the past two days.
we havent started on Alkanes and Alkenes when we're supposed to be completing them TODAY.
i hope he'll get well soooon.

is it because of us that teachers are getting unwell?
even mr naufal is turning crazy.

just looking at the situation makes me think twice before i decide on opting my career as an educator.
i dont know whether it's too early but...
i have dreams to become either a doctor or a teacher.
*shrugs*

since ms tan is so angry at my class, i dont know how i'm going to face her later for night studies since i kind of have a lot of doubts to clarify before amath test tomorrow.
this guilt is overwhelming.
45 days to prelims...
how times flies.

time IS running out.

Blogged @ 5:14:00 PM




sometimes being nice just doesnt pay, does it?
being nice can turn into hypocrisy...
i mean, when you want to push people around, can you at least limit it.
i know i am THAT obedient person who would accompany you when your friend is not with you.
so can you please don't take advantage of that?
it makes me sick la, like TOTALLY.
i NEED my time alone at times.
i NEED to catch up with a certain topic too.
i DONT NEED someone approaching me to sit casually and chat.
well i dont mind if it's ONCE IN A WHILE, at APPROPRIATE times.
i DO MIND when it happens ALL THE TIMES.

like, hello?
who wouldnt be pissed if he/she's quietly doing your own things when someone comes to disturb and then say "am i disturbing you?"
it's damn obvious when someone is occupied, they will feel disturbed right.
who wouldnt be pissed if he/she's SLEEEEPING and then you come and tap the back and when he/she wakes up to see what was up thinking it was smth important and you say "oh sorry sorry!"

WTF LAAAAA.
BLOODY EFF IT MAN.

i know i may seem so cooooooool with it.
i know i may seem like i dont mind at all.
i know i may seem to laugh at things she said that are just NOT FUNNY..
i know she may think i was just joking about everything sarcastic i said.
actually, i mean what i said.

i just can't take it.
what am i supposed to do?
tell her up front that i am irritated?
i cant stand being so used!

i am AGITATED.
FRUSTRATED.
ANNOYED.
PISSED.

CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP?

GAHH.

Blogged @ 6:00:00 PM




happy shalalala~!

harhar.

ok SO i TALKED to HIM.
he LAUGHED at my LAME COMMENT.
YAYYYY.

buuuuut...
he already has a girlfriend.

what a tragic story.
i dont know if it's true.
i hope it's NOT.
but it's fun to have fun riiight.
so like whatever.

(:

Blogged @ 7:13:00 PM




i HAVE to confess my deep hatred towards... constipation and rubber bands.
so you must be thinking, what have constipation and rubber bands have in common?
the answer is NOTHING. har har.
no wait, actually there is one similarity.
they are hated by me.

i dont know what shitting has against me but i have a problem when it comes to shitting at night. it's like it is always smooth peristalsis in the morning but not at night.
so does the time of the day affect the 'rate of reaction'?
gosh.
well basically constipation wastes my time la.

and those red rubber rubberbands are disgusting laa.
they're so smelly and horrible looking that i can't stand it.
i know, i know.. some of you who know me well enough will try to disgust me by throwing rubber bands at me. don't la ok! damn i hate those things.
it's just a hatred instilled from young, i guess.
i never liked them.

besides hating constipation and rubber bands, i feel pretty good today.

Being able to hear is a wonderful thing.
I know i may not hear some things people say because i don't know whether I'm turning deaf or the person who was talking to me was mumbling... but just being able to hear good things about you just turns me on you know.
i feel so touched lah.

aww shirley... hahah. i hope you will win! (:
thanks hafizah who complimented me on my friendliness, although i dont think i that very approachable. i think you are friendlier LOR.
thanks hayati for saying that i dont fall for people so easily even though i thought i did.
thanks ms loo i miss you (hey that rhymes! hah!)
thanks mr tang was saying that our class is good, so we dont need remedials (when actually he has no slots left to fill in for remedials)
thanks ms tan for pointing out my careless mistake in front of the class. HAHAH.
thanks everyone for everything.

gosh, i feel like this is my last day on earth la.
well i hope it's not going to be because... i just wanna live! hurhur.

listening to Dirty Little Secret makes me wanna jump around and sing out loud with the beloWed teklets la.

TUITION tomorrow.
somehow, i dont look forward to it.
hmmmmmmmm?

TATA!

Blogged @ 10:13:00 PM




Today, i realised how much i have taken things for granted. All my life, i don't really take other things apart from what i want and what i think i should do into consideration. I failed to realise how fortunate and blessed i am to have what i have now and be who i am today. Today, i also realised that if i feel the world is being so unfair to me, there are other people who are suffering so much more. And if i think those people who are suffering are under so much pain, i think there are others who might be in a worse situation. So i guess all of us have to give and take.

Since this year, i feel more carefree and less worried about whatever is going on around me. I feel that I have become less bothered. Maybe I do still give advices to those who have approached me, but the feelings inside are not as affected as i used to feel. I'm not saying i am insincere in giving the advices or words of 'wisdom'. It's like, even though whatever I said to people MIGHT be similar as last time, after that i let the matter rest and take it as though nothing has happened. With this kind of behaviour, i feel less stressed. I don't know whether anyone has noticed or anything. My change of perception might just be oblivious to everyone, still i don't feel affected.

I feel that life is too short to fill it in with worries. I know many people have problems and they just can't focussed and they feel affected. It may seem that i do not have any problems but I do, just that i don't know what they are yet OR i choose to make it less complicated and just go with the flow. That is simply because worrying about something will lead me to nowhere. I mean, when i worry, it's just an internal thing right? It's not as if worrying will solve anything. Aside from this, i also believe in blessing in disguise. Every bad situation is probably just another blessing because perhaps it makes me a stronger person? Maybe it is a test that everyone has to go through in life. Wouldn't life be boring if you were to live a happy life with no problems everyday? There would be no climax to it. And as you grow, you will have no stories to share to your spouse or children or grandchildren!

So all I'm trying to say is that if you think you have such a miserable life, THINK AGAIN. Are you the only one? If there are people who make you do things you DON'T want to do, be bold and do what you think is right.

As for me right now, i feel that I've been alone sometimes in school and stuff. Well, ok i pity myself sometimes but when i think of it again, it feels great to be alone, SOMETIMES. Being alone means more tranquility and i can just take some time off with people around me and do whatever I like myself. It's like spending quality time with yourself, you know? haha. Anyway, after secondary school or life outside school, I will eventually be alone and have to stand on my own feet. Might as well practise now. I'm not saying you people should leave me alone la. I dont think I'm a loner, am I? hahah.

So to all my friends who are facing a lot of stress, just chillll okay. I know some problems are unsolve-able. So let's just play make belief and pretend that everything is fine. Yeah, yeah, easy for me to say. What do I know right? sigh.

Blogged @ 10:35:00 PM




for the first time this week, i am home early.
about 58 more days to prelims!
aaaahhh

what a date for prelims man, September 11.
gosh.

so.. school has been... ........
hectic?
i dont understand why i can still feel very very sleepy in class at this period of time.
i think i will stay awake if the class is happening, like the teacher moves around and there are a lot of things for the class to respond too. sigh. i DONT wanna start drinking caffeinated drinks anymore. (:

tuition tomorrow.
yay?

hee hee hee...

ps//i miss my camera. :(

Blogged @ 2:39:00 PM




first and foremost, THANKS AMELIA for the treat! (:

oh yeah, about my dad's camera, i guess i'm over it. who would return back things they've stolen right? i wasnt reprimanded or given the silent treatment because i think i wrote a pretty much well written letter to him. HA HA. i bought him NUTS like ms tan suggested. (: all he said was the thief wont be able to do anything with the pictures in it or the camera itself because he/she doesnt have the cable and charger. but then again, he/she can always sell it away. smart. ugh.

i think i am not sprinting towards the final lap. i am still jogging. i find it hard to wake up at 4.30AM in the morning to study now. i cant do that like i used to. should i restart my study habits to late night studies?! 6 weeks to prelims. WHY am i still jogging?! WHY am i being complacent?! the nearer i am towards the END, the complacent i become. this is annoying. maybe the motivation i had during mid yrs expired sometime during June holidays. i cant wait until the days whereby the teachers give us past year papers to do every single day. that would be gooooood.

PAST YEAR PAPERS, COME TO ME BABY!

Blogged @ 5:29:00 PM